Like most people who live in Moore County, the past few weeks have been difficult. Someone knew someone who worked, resided or was a relative from Pinelake Health and Rehab, as well as the families in Robbins. We were all affected. The words, “Tragedy”, “Sorrow” and “Shooting” are in the newspapers, on TV and on the lips of the community.

I will admit I have been a bit more jumpy and fearful. I have had nightmares and wondered “what if?” My mom is a resident in the TLC unit at Pinelake and I find it difficult at times to walk those long halls to go see her. But I continue to go and smile and wave at the residents and staff I have come to know over the past year.

As an adult we hopefully have developed coping mechanisms to help us deal with things that are out of our control. We have perhaps been exposed to death and sorrow in our lifetime which helps us to understand and accept loss. But young children and even early adolescents feel the tension and fear that has enveloped our community. They hear their parents; they see the newspaper and TV reports. They hear the rumors and struggle for ways to cope.

There are things a parent can do to reduce a child’s anxiety and fear. And sometimes by helping our children we can help ourselves.

It is common in a tragic situation for a child to feel a loss of control and stability. Regular routines such as family meals and outings should be adhered to as much as possible, because this helps give a sense that things remain predictable and secure at home. “Parents need to help children put words to their feelings; they should be ready to help their children articulate their fears and anxieties. Have them draw a picture or write the words that describe their feelings. This helps a child feel like he or she has been understood.

Don’t overwhelm a child with all the information, but stick to answering their questions based on their age and understanding level. Expect that many questions will be repetitious and redundant as children try to make sense of what has happened. It is particularly important to acknowledge the significance of their reactions and anxieties.

As for parents, they should seek support from family, friends, church or other social and emotional supports. Parents can model healthy emotional coping for their children during this time. This does not mean hiding one’s feelings; rather, parents should stay aware of their reactions and show their children how they deal with this situation in a healthy manner.

While the media coverage of recent events plays out, families can help put children back in control by getting involved in supporting memorial efforts or donating to help honor the victims. The White bows which are all around Carthage are a symbol of remembrance, but also a symbol of hope. Talk to children about what they mean and ask them for ideas of how they would like to honor and remember those who died, or to support the loved ones.  Planting a special tree or shrub in the yard can be a very healing way of coping and moving forward.

If we continue to focus on how many weapons were had or the reason behind the event, then kids continue to be afraid. It is parent’s responsibility to help children learn to cope with the larger losses and tragedies so they can deal with the smaller ones they will encounter as they grow older. A healthy coping child will become a healthy coping adult.

Submitted by Karen M. Wicker, Area Family and Consumer Sciences Extension Agent

Moore and Montgomery County